Why You Might Be A Kid Living In An Adult's Body

Do you remember when you were a little kid and all you wanted was to be old enough to bike around your block or neighbourhood alone? I still remember feeling that freedom for the very first time!

Do you remember when you were a preteen and all you wanted was to be old enough to stay out past dark with your friends, have sleepovers for days straight, and eat all the candy in the world?

Do you remember when you started high school and all you wanted was to be old enough to drive and go anywhere you wanted with your friends? To make your own decisions and be in charge of your life?

Then, finally, you got what you wanted all along. You got older. You became an adult. You gained freedom over your life and your decisions. You could finally choose the food you eat, the schedule you follow (well, other than school or work) the routines, the steps, the habits. Even if you make mistakes, "they're MY mistakes!" Right?

After all, becoming an adult means freedom, decision, choice... doesn't it? If that's true, why does it often feel for so many of us that we don't have the freedom that we thought came with adulthood? Is it just me, or is the reality of growing up quite different than we think it is? 

What does it actually mean to grow up? To get older, to look older, to age or to hit a certain number? Does growing up mean something more? Something different? Is there a difference between becoming an adult and growing up?

• I thought when I got my first full-time job, "now I'm officially grown up." It was part of growing up, but it just wasn't it.
• I thought when I got married, "now I'm really, legitimately grown up!" It was part of my story and part of growing up... But you can grow up without getting married.
• I thought when I became a Youth Pastor at a church, "This has to be what growing up is!" Sure, it's a career, a serious job (well, not always serious, but there are a lot of heavy and real topics to walk through with students), and only a grown-up can be a pastor, right?
• I thought when my son was born, "this is the final piece, now I'm grown up!" Of course, having a child tends to make you grow up in many ways, but you can be grown up without having kids.

So what does it mean to be "grown-up?" I have to admit, I feel a little silly continually using the term "grown-up," but it really seems to convey my point.

I believe growing up means more than just hitting that number or looking visibly older. It isn't a status achieved only through work, relationships, money, or family. Certainly, these can all be part of growing up, and for many of us, they are an important part of our stories.

However, I have found that there is something subtle, yet notably different between becoming an adult, and growing up.

I think many people can relate to me. You might be a kid living in an adult's body—just like I was for much of my adult life. Have you ever felt that while you keep getting older, inside you're still this kid trying to figure it out? 

I'm learning that the secret to really growing up is... 

Habits. This idea probably doesn't blow your mind. Perhaps you're even annoyed with me, hoping I would possess a deep and mystical knowledge found in a newly discovered ancient writing of wisdom... No. It's that simple, although difficult. It's habits. That's right, habits.

I grew up physically but my habits didn't grow up with me. In fact, many bad habits have held me back. I've been my own worst enemy and I'm sure many can relate to that sentiment. Most of my bad habits started subtle and easy to shrug off. They crept up and crept in, and slowly but surely began to rule and control my life. The difficult part of many bad habits (at least in my experience) is the actions themselves aren't always bad, it's simply the control they possessed over me. Here are some examples:

• Watching too much TV or Movies
• Little or no time reading
• Too much time on social media (seriously, can I not feel bored for .003 seconds without reaching for my phone?)
• Too much time playing video games
• No exercise
• Overspending
• Inconsistently brushing my teeth (I know, it's gross. It's not that I didn't do it, but I didn't create a good habit of it. I was always a good flosser though!)
• Overeating (and, consistently eating a lot of unhealthy foods)
• Procrastinating with cleaning and chores
• Biting my nails

My guess is that most people can relate to at least a couple of those bad habits. I would often justify these habits under the guise of being busy or being tired. I would say to myself, "I've been working really hard this week, I deserve this." Or, "That's tomorrow's problem." And possibly one of the greatest lies we believe, "I'll find the motivation and the will to change soon, I can feel it." I feel so naive writing that because I know I used to really believe it and say it to myself often.

Growing up, becoming mature—is not about always being serious, not having fun, saying no to recreation, never watching TV, deleting all social media—I could go on. Maturity isn't simply based on not joking or never being fun. It comes down to habits. Maturity doesn't create good habits, good habits create maturity. You may disagree with me, but I can't name a single person who I look up to, who I learn from, who is mature (and still a lot of fun), who doesn't have excellent habits in their life. 

It's not to say that if you have bad habits that you're automatically immature—but they will limit you and they will hold back.

Look at your habits and you will see the trajectory of your future. Again, I need to clarify—maturity isn't about not laughing at jokes or not having fun... Maturity is the ability to delay instant gratification for a preferred future. Maturity is saying no today so you can say yes to your future. 

Growing up doesn't start with creating bigger and better goals. It starts with changing your habits—eliminating the bad, and replacing them with the good.

Watching TV, playing video games, having delicious desserts—none of these things are wrong themselves. The problem is when the wrong habits control our lives. This is what made me a kid living in an adult's body... My bad habits.

Recently, I began addressing my bad habits—making changes and replacing bad habits with good habits. It hasn't been easy, but it has become easier every single day. I'm not telling myself I'm changing my lifestyle or dieting, I'm addressing the root. I'm changing my habits and telling myself "this is who you are." I'm allowing my good habits to become part of my identity. Since changing some habits here is what has been happening in my life:

• I'm losing weight
• I'm sleeping better
• I'm working out
• I'm waking up early
• I'm spending money more wisely
• I'm using screens significantly less (TV and social media, I still need my Macbook to work and write this!)
• I'm reading more
• I'm more productive with work
• I'm spending better quality time with my son and wife
• I no longer bite my nails (they are longer than I ever remember them being... Now I actually have to cut them!)
• I'm energized all day and haven't felt sluggish
• I'm writing in my free time

I hope you know I am NOT trying to make myself sound amazing. I'm far from perfect and this has been difficult. I am no superhuman and I have struggled with bad habits for my entire adult life. However, by starting with changing one bad habit and implementing one good habit, there has been a domino effect—knocking away more and more in its path and leading me to experience freedom from bad habits.

Please understand—I am not saying if you've struggled with some bad habits, your weight, biting your nails, exercise, etc. that you're immature or just need to grow up. That's not the point! My hope is to encourage and inspire others with my personal journey, and to give you some insightful thoughts for self-reflection about your own habits.

I didn't come up with all of this on my own. The biggest game-changer for me was learning about habits and how they actually work. An amazing tool for habit change was reading the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. I can't recommend this book enough! Seriously, you need, I mean NEED, to read it (or listen to it, which is what I did).

Do yourself a favour, take a step in the right direction of habit change and read this book! I am starting my second time through it right now! Paperback, Kindle, Audible, hardcover... It doesn't matter! Just pick whatever version you know will help you read it! Check it out here:

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

My hope is to simply share my story so I can inspire and encourage others to see their habits changed too. Finally, I can say that I am really growing up!